IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 1
Band score: approximately 6.0
Task: Task 2
The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in study be motivated to learn?Advertisement
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Living in the competitive world, better education always this is too strong – it’s not alwayscomes with ‘leads to a’ higher living standard ‘standard of living’ is the most common construction. How to improve ‘Improving’ – how to improve is more of a question form the education in children, especially the one ones who does ‘do’ not like studying, is a problem for education ‘the education’ industry in every country this is too strong – it’s not every country, but could be ‘most countries’.Advertisement
When the ‘a’ child is too young to understand the importance of studying, it is really hard this is too informal – ‘particularly difficult’ to have the motivation. At the ‘an’ early stage, in junior primary school for example, a little discipline is necessary. Though studing ‘studying’ like reading and counting maybe not as interesting as watching cartoons, spending some time on these boring this is not academic – ‘less interesting’ subjects should be compulsory. These measures will give them the ability to enjoy learning activities in coming future ‘in the future’, when they will be ‘are likely to be’ more confident to explore the unknown area ‘unknown areas’.Advertisement
However, to increase the confidence it is not clear yet why the paragraph is referring to confidence rather than motivation and interest in studying, the most important ‘important factor’ is encouragement, especially in senior primary school and secondary school, when the children need to expand their knowledge dramatically. Most of the student ‘students’ are disinterested in learning because of lack of confident ‘a lack of confidence’. If an encourage ‘encouraging’ enviroment is provided, they will ‘may’ – will is too stronghave fun ‘be more entertained’ would be more formal in studying and enjoy the feeling of achievement, hence will be motivated to learn more. In consequence, a better education level can be expected.
Moreover, academy ‘academic study’ does not necessary necessarily have to be boring, it can be fun. For young children, knowledge can be tought in ‘taught using’ cartoons. The Blue Cat series is a successful sample ‘example’ in China, which putting ‘which’ here means that what follows refers to China, not the Black Cat serial is a ‘an’ educational program enjoyed by many children in China. In order to get better result in ‘results from’ children, knowledge can be delivered via children’s favourite cartoon characters. For the teenager, the idols in the entertainment industry play a big role [this could have been combined with the following sentence with ‘and as such’[/expand]. They should be encouraged to send the correct messages to their fans.
In conclusion, compulsory education is necessary at an early stage of studying, while encourage ‘providing an encouraging’enviroment ‘environment’ and teaching in more entertaining ways are extremely important.
At 310 words, this is longer than the ideal range of 260 – 280 words. Although this is not directly a problem, it does give the examiner more chances of finding errors or penalising you for not being sufficiently concise.
There is a mix of different levels of vocabulary where a more formal vocabulary should be used throughout (avoid words like ‘boring’).
An example is provided to demonstrate the point in the third paragraph (the Blue Cat series) but the writer has not given other examples for the first two paragraphs, and the topic sentence, development and support are not always clear.
The essay often uses dogmatic statements that are not always true and would be better modified slightly (‘every county’ > ‘most countries’)
However, the essay is relevant to the topic and the use of linking words is generally accurate and varied.
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Students from rural areas often find it difficult to access university education. Some people think that it should become easier for them to study at universities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, it is acknowledged that students from suburban areas find it tough to receive higher education. Whether it should be made easier for them to access university education becomes an ongoing concern, which incurs a highly-charged debate.
Obviously, higher education opportunities bring about benefits to students in multiple ways. For example, higher education becomes increasingly important to senior high school graduates, partly it determines if they have the competitive edge in the job market, and partly because it is seen as a guarantee of a certain level of the mental ability, from the computer literacy that is required by the most employers to the capacities of acquiring new knowledge the soonest possible which is valued by most . With a university degree, students from rural areas obtain a job easily, thereby bettering their living conditions and their family as well.
Higher education also, however, to impose a heavy burden on families since the rise in the tuition fees are increasingly beyond those families’ ability to afford. In addition, with the mounting evidence, a university degree is not always a guarantee of seizing a decent job; therefore, their living conditions are likely to able to earn back their tuition fee after graduation. people argue, students from rural areas are not well-advised to pursue a university degree. But I perceive their desire to further their education should not be disrespected and the government should subsidise them to receive higher education.
In conclusion, university education should be made fair to everyone, predicated only on their academic performance and mental abilities, rather than their financial capacities and the government should subsidise those students in need.
Teacher’s comment: Not all the parts of the task were covered. The writer’s position is relevant to task prompt, the main ideas are also relevant but not all of them are developed well enough. The information is presented coherently, it is evident that the writer progresses from one idea to another.
The linking words and phrases are used in a correct way. The range of vocabulary is sufficient here. There are some attempts to use more sophisticated words but many of them are inaccurate. Even though there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they don’t make the meaning much harder to understand. Overall, this essay seems worthy of IELTS Band 6.
Click here to see more IELTS essays of Band 6
remove ‘the’, not necessary
the sentence is too long
because of not being