In this extract, Rochester has just revealed to Jane the truth about his marriage to Bertha. He has also shared his desire to live with Jane and declared his love for her.
'As he said this, he released me from his clutch, and only looked at me. The look was far worse to resist than the frantic strain: only an idiot, however, would have succumbed now. I had dared and baffled his fury; I must elude his sorrow. I retired to the door.
"You are going, Jane?"
"I am going, sir."
"You are leaving me?"
"You will not come. You will not be my comforter, my rescuer? My deep love, my wild woe, my frantic prayer, are all nothing to you?"
What unutterable pathos was in his voice! How hard it was to reiterate firmly, "I am going."
"Withdraw, then, - I consent; but remember, you leave me here in anguish. Go up to your own room; think over all I have said, and, Jane, cast a glance on my sufferings - think of me."
He turned away; he threw himself on the sofa. "Oh Jane! My hope - my love - my life!" broke in anguish from his lips. Then came a deep, strong sob.
I had already gained the door; but, reader, I walked back - walked back as determinedly as I had retreated. I knelt down by him; I turned his face from the cushion to me; I kissed his cheek; I smoothed his hair with my hand.
"God bless you, my dear master!" I said.'
Dear Christopher. I said I wanted to explain to you why I went away when I had the time to do it properly. Now I have lots of time. So I’m sitting on the sofa here with this letter and the radio on and I’m going to try and explain.
I was not a very good mother, Christopher. Maybe if things had been different, maybe if you’d been different, I might have been better at it. But that's just the way things turned out.
I'm not like your father. Your father is a much more patient person. He just gets on with things and if things upset him he doesn't let it show.
But that's not the way I am and there's nothing I can do to change it.
Do you remember once when we shopping in town together? And we went into Bentalls and it was really crowded and we had to get a Christmas present for Grandma? And you were frightened because of all the people in the shop. It was the middle of Christmas shopping when everyone was in town. And I was talking to Mr Land who works on the kitchen floor and went to school with me. And you crouched down on the floor and put your hands over your ears and you were in the way of everyone so I got cross because I don’t like shopping at Christmas either...
From Part One